photo: recent sketchbook pages (this will be the third in a set of three postcards - coming soon as the printer gets them to me)
Good morning, I sat down quite early to write up my notes but was taken away from the keyboard by a wasp incident. My son (who is autistic) is particularly scared of being stung - who wants to be stung? But his fear is quite intense and logical. I have to bury any of my own fears in this instance and just get on with the task of escorting the wasp (or in this case I think hornet) out of the house.
We all have fears, some shared and some irrational, some deeply felt. I have a constant fear of letting people down, which I think is common especially amongst women. I have high expectations for myself and other, to be honest. So, what I really fear is letting myself down?
I have put off publishing, sharing my new poetry writing for so long now. Well, perhaps not so long, but it feels like a long quiet time in the poetry department* (imagine a stretch of empty shelves in a library). Now I have a modest ‘poetry thing’ to share with you - a small zine called ‘Maudie’. This humble little handmade book - which I cannot show you today due to the fact I am waiting on the cover paper - is something I hope you may enjoy reading and looking through. Finally, after months of saying I might, I won’t, I shall - I have at least something to offer. The fear of it not being my best, of not making sense to the world, will just have to rest on a shelf labelled: pending.
‘Maudie’ is a little sequence of poems about a fictional person. It features a few drawings too. A limited and signed edition will be in my shop this coming Wednesday.
Maudie listens to the rain becoming a radio discussion of moss gardens and owl tongues, and out-of-date ideas of love. She sleeps all afternoon in the comfort of raindrop voices, never knowing if cutting her own fringe, or the lawn, or a little of both with blunt scissors is a sin or vanity.
poetry excerpt - from ‘Maudie’ zine.
And so, this next Wednesday update will have a bookish theme. Expect possibly a few still life paintings/drawings featuring books. Perhaps, if time allows, a new tiny artist book.
*I began my creative life as a writer and poet, before I became a professional artist. I studied for a Masters degree in Creative Writing and received an Eric Gregory Award for poetry from the Society of Authors way back in 1994 (I think, my goodness, is that nearly thirty years ago??).
**
Thank you to everyone for their interest in the sketchbook weekend (June 3/4). You are still welcome to show an interest. I’ve now created a private group for newsletters and discussion/sharing. You may sign up here. If you are already signed up, please check your emails and read the first newsletter, thank you.
**
photo: May drawing no.15 (sold)
May is going by so quickly and I have enjoyed sharing my May drawings on Instagram and in my shop each day. Thanks always for your interest. Adding a new work to my shop each day seems to be working out. People who have not purchased from me before have had the opportunity to do so. Perhaps they are not always able to see my updates on a Wednesday evening? This has got me thinking about June - the possibility of a daily project for the new month. I have ideas. Not committing myself to anything just yet, but am happily considering things. Will let you know next week.
**
A few small stories
Occasionally I take my drawing bits and bobs out with me. My daughter comes with me to the woods and we sit and talk about Studio Ghibli movies whilst I paint ‘warm up trees’ that look like black vegetables. Drawing a landscape in just black is not easy, but of course it is possible. Every so often a bright green caterpillar falls from the branches above us. One might land in the middle of a piece of paper and I imagine how stunned it must be to find itself in a flat, white world. The bench my daughter and I sit upon is close to a footpath with dog walkers making an occasional appearance. ‘That’s just the right bench, isn’t it?’ They say. Or, ‘Shame the sun’s gone in’. No one is remotely interested in looking at my black vegetables, thankfully.
**
Standing at a bus stop, waiting and waiting. I am listening to a woman telling me her history of sciatica. It has got more complex, just recently, with having ‘MRI scans and all sorts’. It’s one of those opportunities to listen, knowing that her telling me things about herself won’t make the bus come down the hill more quickly - but is just what is needed anyway. The sun comes out, traffic slows and a magpie sat in a windswept yew tree makes a great deal of noise about something.
**
One of those ‘meant-to-be’ finds: an auricula simply labelled as ‘rockery plant’ and purchased for £1.25 from the supermarket. Now it is flowering. So lovely to have an auricula flowering in my garden after all the others I had were stolen by slugs. I was right, I tell myself a little smugly, it was what I thought it was. I look out of the kitchen window and admire the flowers, knowing they won’t be here for so long.
**
Many thanks for reading and subscribing to this newsletter. I hope you enjoy. Thanks always to everyone who has bought me a coffee - this really does help support my writing and sharing.
Yay for you Cathy - putting your poetry out into the world❤️. I feel your weekly columns as a bit of poetry - your words soothe and inspired me to do ordinary things, to be patient and keep at it - whatever it happens to be. Thank you for putting your gifts in the world 🌻
Hello Cathy..Your writing is a gentle glimpse into your days and as always I look forward to it ! Thank you for the poetry ! Please more!..As a woman travelling in a solitary way over the last two weeks in the UK it conjures up those quiet moments alone- rain pattering on window and the stillness around me. Paying attention to small things.