I am often asked
What inspires you / your work?
It is the kind of question often written in an Instagram comment where an essay length response is not appropriate. It’s not the kind of question I find easy to answer, word limitations or otherwise,
world limitations or otherwise - only so many hours in the day - and how to tell you/not tell you my life story without triggering a bored response -
mostly because inspiration and influence are such lifelong yet shifting concepts.
Yes there are so many ways to explore - which way to go now?
Is there one guiding light for you or many twinkling stars?
How do you stay so focused and yet at the same time appear to be looking in various directions?
It’s a tricky thing for me to articulate just how inspiration finds me. As if inspiration were some spirit that may manifest at a particular moment. Or an airborne friendly gift.
And then how I am able to work in a variety of ways. How do you go from here to there?
Without a clear road map.
Are you really stumbling about just like everyone else?
I do believe people want easy answers because most of us do. If someone asks me: where do you get your ideas / inspiration / what influences you - I understand they would like to know a few names, a few cultural references they can think about.
But still I wish to give so much / or so little of / myself / depending on / just how I am feeling that day / I am busy / my head is elsewhere / how much I wish to reveal / how much I wish to remain a hermit-like creature living in her tiny bubble….
Think about all the things that have sparked your interest since childhood. It’s impossible to remember everything. Some things become more significant over time. Then there are things we forget only to remember years later, or mis-remember. I presume what people want to know is: a) what inspires you the most and b) how did you get to know that.
I think that a key to unlocking your own distinctive work is knowing what you like.
It takes years of practise / practice. Like cycling along a bumpy road with your child self on the handle bars. And they keep pointing at things and you tell them gently but firmly: just don’t let go of the bike, or we will both topple and fall off. Hold on! Stop pointing at eveything!
We often fall / fail. Pick yourself up and start again, or move on to something else.
Is that your secret? Someone asked me. That you do so many things there’s always something you can do?
I suppose yes it helps to know I can always just stop and move on. Though like other people I do like to make a commitment to a project and see it through to the final stages.
Knowing what matters to you, personally, or what is less important.
Knowing what doesn’t spark your interest is perhaps just as important. Most important in some ways.
Without the critical tools that help you process ideas, you are stuck in a quagmire of influences. So looking with a critical eye is especially important, I feel. Critical skills, the ability to look with a certain level of discernment comes through the repeated act of looking and questioning. And these skills are forever evolving and challenging. There’s no gold level, platinum level where you can sit back and say: yep, I get everything now.
Yes, it depends on my mood as to how much I want to tell someone about myself. If I am asked what inspires me I might give very specific answers according to what I am making at this very moment, what I am into at any given time. Ask me on a more chatty day, and I might want to provide a complete shopping list of everything I have ever liked, fallen in love with through the years. And my goodness me, what a huge haul video I could make from all of that?! And how boring might it be to everyone else!
What, I ask, are you asking me?
How do I make your work? (and yes people do ask me to tell them exactly how to make something! But that’s for another essay)
Or
What is it that you have been looking at that I can look at and at least try to emulate?
(there is a presumption that I am part of a chain of copyists?? Cue paranoia etcetera).
Or
Hey, that’s cool, but I have no idea what your background is and I am intrigued to know at least something so that I can get my head round what it is you are showing me here. Thanks!
All or none of the above, possibly. Most likely the third, most reasonable of requests. How else can someone really appreciate your work if they don’t know where you are ‘coming from’?? It is not good enough to say: well I like so many different things. Because everyone can say that about themselves.
I have fallen into the ‘eclectic influences’ trap. It is a trap of my own making. A response I may have given being something like: I have so many interests and have gleaned inspiration from a variety of historical sources. (Which to some people might read: I went to university / I read books / I somehow feel superior).
Or, like saying: I walked through the verdant woods and came home and walked mud all through the house! Look at my wonderful muddy boot prints!
Let me tell you a few things about myself, a few nubbly secrets. Perhaps that is the correct response. So now I need to know what are nubbly secrets and how to share them. If I am correct in this presumption that nubbly secrets interest you.
We all want to appear to be especially interesting, don’t we? Not like all the other birds in the sky. It’s a crowded world, this creative industry thing. So particular with its jostling and perceived hierarchies (other tangents to discuss later).
Look at me, a tiny part of my soul, I say, posting my succinct photographs. It’s a bit like arty sudoku. No, I don’t know how people do sudoku either, sorry.
Or
With whom should I compare you against? Is that the real question here (the questioner asks). If I know you like, say, Monet, Beethoven, Chaucer and Picasso - then surely then….
Oh such a muddle. Like the nests and knots of embroidery threads stuffed in a shoe box I will never willingly share with you everything. Don’t worry, I won’t tell you everything about myself.
Some people have theories. You must commit to a certain interest in a certain kind of art by a particular age - say eight or nineteen or thirty seven - and then you must stay on topic. If you don’t stay on topic you are doomed to failure. Do you agree / disagree?
Very disagree.
Like most relationships: it’s complicated. Not because we are trying to be clever (my collective selves) but because life is messy and drawers get filled with random ideas. What interests me now might get sideswiped tomorrow. Who knows.
Forever not giving a succinct answer.
Images are from my sketchbook pages
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All of this, the magnificent cartwheel of thoughts that roll back on themselves and then head in another direction, resonates so deeply and thoroughly. I absolutely LOVE how you articulated the wonderfully tangled path of creative inspiration!
You are correct that people ask for different reasons. There are those who might copy, those who might wish for you to take on the responsibility of providing their inspiration, and those who are hoping for a linear path to success and believe you can outline that. I also find that many become creatively awakened by degrees, dropping the rigid rule-bound guides to success and beginning to bloom! These individuals are hungry to absorb the goodness that life offers in its vast array of beauty and recognize those qualities in an artist such as yourself. This kind is inspiration of the highest quality and includes everything you mentioned!
There is but one Cathy Cullis in this world! I have learnt much from you by example, the most valuable being the blessing of living the creative life. For that, I am grateful and humbled.
I so can relate to your whole essay. You articulated so well and revealed so much about yourself, even if you don’t think you did….thank you